oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
