Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
