am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize