we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
love makes seman taste better
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
