I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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