I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
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