walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
