FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
