the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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