who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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