I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
