idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
