I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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