Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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