i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My vagina is very pro this idea
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