just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
