I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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