She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he told me I talked like a deaf person
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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