i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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