just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
