i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
