Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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