let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
