Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
