just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize