smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
