party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
