You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize