if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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