a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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