he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
