Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
