we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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