speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
