Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
is it fun? or sober?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
