I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
no, he came in my armpit
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
