just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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