found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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