Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize