Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
