What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
