Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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