my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
