I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
