I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
