On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Semen is not good for contacts.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
