Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
