He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
