I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
