you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
ok first of all what the fuck
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
