i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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