When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
