Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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