Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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