All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
