I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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