Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
