I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
