We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
