How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
