Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
