She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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