I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize