Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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