forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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