Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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