I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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