my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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