You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
false alarm. still invincible.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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