Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
