The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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