Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
