also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
