i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
