i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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