reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
