butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
