So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Randomize
