Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
