did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
