she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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