I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
