is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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