weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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