I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
