Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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